Eulogy To My Baby Brother

Nicholas Cantarella, Jr was welcomed into this world and into our hearts on Monday, April 8th, 1985 at 3:41 in the morning in Nuremburg, Germany.

Dear Nicholas,

Nick was the name you preferred, but to mom and dad, you were and always will be our “Nickanitch.” Your kind and gentle spirit was one of your many gifts to us. Thank you my sweet baby brother. Your gift of finding the good in others is what drew so many to you. Your heart was busting at the seams with unconditional childlike grace. Words simply can not convey the pain of our shattered hearts. We will forever be grateful to you and to God for the time we had with you.

You were blessed with many talents. As a young member of the DC Flyers, anyone who had the pleasure of being your team mate (Andrew) would attest to your speed and agility. You were a track star in your own right. You ran a fast mile. One of my favorite track meets of yours was the Southeast Regional Meet held at the University of North Carolina. You ran with resolve and determination. You were your father’s son. Not surprising to me then was your 2nd place finish.

To say you were gifted with computers would be an understatement. I will not pretend I understood or fully appreciated your knowledge of the Linux Operating System, however, the mere fact that you and my brother in law, who by the way is a computer guru in his own right, could talk for hours on end without me being able to understand a single word you were saying, let me know just how bright you were.

You did not concern yourself with material or monetary wealth. You would gladly share or give away your earthly possessions if asked, perhaps with the exception of your birkenstocks, your Coca-cola and Big Red beverages. Your generous spirit spoke volumes to many.

I have had the pleasure of talking to and listening to your friends over the past 3 days and the one common thread in every conversation is that they considered you to be such a loyal friend. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to help a friend in need and judging from my conversations with your friends and cousins L.J. and Andrea, if they had the power to extend your time here on earth, they would do so in a heart beat just to spend more time with you. We all would, especially mom and dad. Know that I am listening to you and feel your loving embrace within me. Perhaps in time our shattered hearts will mend, but for now we will continue to turn to God for grace and comfort and to each other for support.

You lived a Christian life not by verbal ministry, but by example. You were a believer. Anyone who knew you would know that your heart was busting at the seams. And your spirit, your precious gentle spirit. It is the very thing that drew so many to you, particularly God’s children and little creatures. Your gentle childlike soul found common ground with children like Aiden, Liam, Rori and little Michael. They loved to be in your presence, to spend time with you, to play with you. God beams with pride at you. I feel certain our beloved Bogey is among those awaiting your entrance into the kingdom of God. Tyra was your source of pride and joy in recent years. There isn’t a thing you wouldn’t and did not do for your Tyra. Know that Tyra is being cared for by the best person capable of honoring your spirit, mom. If Tyra could be here with us, she would. Trust me, she tried. It took everything in me to hold her back as we departed the house you called home.

Words will never convey the magnitude of your love for us, especially your love for mom and dad. Your love is still here, we simply need to open our hearts to it and listen. It is in another dimension now. I had the wonderful pleasure of experiencing it yesterday. It was beyond beautiful and joyful, an almost nirvana kind of love. If what I felt was just a small ounce of what you are experiencing now in Heaven, and I’m sure it is, then let me reassure you, mom, dad, friends and family, Nicholas is in paradise, in a palace of joy and love that defies our imagination. Nicholas is with God and all the angels in Heaven. There is no doubt in my mind. For now I will await my turn with patience and joyful anticipation. For now I will continue to do God’s work. For now we will continue to rely on God for grace and comfort and to each other for support.

If there is one thing Nicholas would want us to practice in our daily lives, it would be to follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (Matthew 7:12)

Your loving big sister always,

“Niecey”

I have not changed the words to this eulogy. These are my original words, spoken from the heart following a prayer of guidance to God to help me prepare a tribute to my brother that would bring to light and embody my brother's spirit to the best of my ability. Armed with a strong and powerful awareness of the presence of God's grace as well as the presence of the Holy Spirit, and Nicholas' lingering love, I found the strength to deliver his eulogy. There was a brief moment 2 hours before I was to speak in which I experienced self doubt, this was after all one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I remember expressing my self doubt to my aunts who were within ear shot of me and without hesitation all three of them lovingly surrounded me in prayer asking God to send as many guardian angels as He could spare (if memory serves me correct, I believe it was a 'legion of angels' that was requested) to surround, guard, guide, and give strength to us gathered in The Church of Holy Trinity during Nicholas' Requiem Service. If Nicholas was given a hand to play in collecting the angels that were sent, it wouldn't surprise me in the least. Their powerful presence was felt.